I No Longer Care...

...about keeping this blog anon.

If a boy comes along and likes me for me,

then he won't care that I share all a lot of my life on the internet.

So without further ado:

The *New* Glossary of Guys & Gals

*Alice T - One of my besties in my hometown. Met her through Chris. Also one of his besties. 21

Real name: Teresa

*Bryan R- "Perfect" Catholic boy. One of Doug's roommates.

Real name: Ryan 
*Estella N- Reformed Catholic. Very grounded. Fun and spunky!

Real name: Nataleigh

*Grant D - Reformed Catholic boy. Lives down the street from me. Works with me. 21.

Real name: Doug

*Heath M - New boy at work. 22. UPDATE: Fired from work. 12/09

Real name: Mitch

Momo - my roommate. 24. UPDATE No longer my roommate 4/10

"Real" name: Momo

*Nate D - Rebellious Catholic boy with an amazing personal relationship with God. Awesome friend to me. Also works with Doug, Lucas and me.  21 UPDATE: Fired from work. Also sends me 'ily' text at 3am after a night of drinking these days. Moved to another city. 5/10

Real name: Dustin

*Nolan B - Friend from university. Have had 3 drunken frisky times with him in the last 1.5 years. Never had sex with. 21.

Real name: Brian

*Simon L - One of Doug's roommates. Also Catholic. Also works with Doug, Dustin and me. 21.

Real name: Lucas

*Sterling T - Friend and ex co-worker from my home town. 22.

Real name: Thomas

*Sullivan C - My ex. I loved him. I dunno where we stand now. Also besties with Teresa. 20

Real name: Chris

So I am not Catholic but...

..I'm thinking about doing a "dating fast".

Never heard of a dating fast? I hadn't either until I went on a college Christian's weekend retreat that is put on by the Catholic Campus Ministry. The weekend is called Bear Awakening and since this was my second time on it I was a staffer... But that is beside the point.

The second night after we had already been awake over 12hrs running a weekend of fun, prayer and lots of awesome... I was being my insomniac self around some of my Catholic friends and the conversation steered towards relationships, dating and how a certain group of the Catholic boys were preparing themselves in a sense to be better men...

The part that, I guess, applied to me is that some of them do a six month "dating fast" once they find a girl they are attracted to past "she's hot" or sometimes in order to find someone... It's hard to explain but basically what I understand of it, since we are all brothers and sisters in God, they spend six months re-wiring their brains to not seeing any female as anything other than a sister. And of course they spend six months in prayer with God.

The prayer part I get, I do. But convincing yourself that all of those that you are attracted to are not? Like, when you fall in love and there are only two types of people in the world, them and everyone else, but before you fall in love?

Ryan and Corrine* basically said I don't get it because I haven't let my heart completely open to God's love. Because the highest lover I have is God. ... Which, no offense, but I chose not to take literally...

My other friend, Nataleigh, said it a little bit better... That I haven't while God might be in my heart but I haven't let him heal it from my past.

So...

The two ways that this dating fast applies to me: Doug as well as myself.

Doug is a boy I have been interested in for quite some time... He is one of the Catholic boys but even though we work at the same place and share many acquaintances, I still don't know him more than a couple stories past his Facebook page. He is definitely one the side of the less judgmental but on the other hand I don't know how he really interprets his Faith. Is he the kind who won't date a girl without a six month fast? Or like the movie, is he just not that into me? And also why? Is he not into me in general? Or is he too Catholic to let himself date non-Catholic?

Ack. I feel like I keep coming off as a religion-hater. I really am not. I have a lot of friends who are Catholic (hence going on the retreat and such) but it is not the denomination for me. I also read a lot of Mormon blogs and have made e-friends through them, but again, LDS, just isn't for me. Personally, I love my relationship with God, I love my friends, I love the individual, I just have a hard time trusting the institution...if that makes sense.

It was in either The Boob Nazi's blog or in Carrie's* blog (or even both), that kind of discussed how its not worrying about each and every sin, but about the choices you make. As one of my friends said, "For you, Kat, WWJD is like you asking 'What would GrandmaGrandma think?'" GrandmaGrandma is one of my best friends and also as you probably guessed, my grandmother... So she knows the good, bad and the ugly about me, yet loves me unconditionally... Like God does.

So my relationship with God is just that. I ask when I think I need help, I pray with Him for my friends, and I know His love follows me wherever I go...

But maybe Nataleigh is right. I am just not letting God heal away the scars of relationships past... ???

Gah. Dating is so frustrating. Specially when you haven't had one in a while.

So what should I do? Fast (but in my own way)? or Forget it?

*This name has been changed!